We (this kind of love) exist in the category of everyday things; friends driving slowly on a Saturday afternoon, or two people holding on to each other in an airport. These things happen in high frequency, but it is in these moments, halfway between your start point and your destination in that car on that Saturday afternoon, when you look over and realize that you feel love for the person sitting next to you. Because the beautiful things in our life aren’t always rare or extraordinary.
Sometimes it’s okay to abandon caution and open yourself up to the possibility of a connection with another human being. It’s okay to be vulnerable. We were born with an incredible capacity for love.
Working with such a limited capacity for expression, it’s no wonder our society as a whole appears to perpetually be in turmoil over the concept of love. We’re in constant pursuit of it, yet question it when we experience it; herald it’s beauty, yet fear that we will be left broken in its wake. Love becomes a contradiction. It simultaneously becomes the root of our joys and our woes.
(Source: mystandards)
Knock, And He’ll open the door
Vanish, And He’ll make you shine like the sun
Fall, And He’ll raise you to the heavens
Become nothing, And He’ll turn you into everything.
11:11
May 2011 is close enough for me to remember how I felt. And the truth is, this time last year I never expected things to be as good as they are now.
I used to experience low points frequently. I used to be extremely critical of myself and blame myself for everything. In my eyes, every little bump in the road was a mountain, and I was stuck in a valley. Each of life’s challenges was no where near the ‘grain of salt’ everyone kept talking about. Life was tough.
But even with all my rough days, I was fortunate enough to have sporadic high points, and I really cherished those moments. I embraced those moments because I had very little faith in the world and thought that good times were rare. I believed that in a matter of days, my attitude would return to normal - cynical about people and pessimistic about my worth. Prolonged happiness seemed uncommon for me, so I soaked up the sun whenever it came out.
Even with my negative attitude on life, however, anytime I found a penny on the ground, anytime the clock struck 11:11, anytime I blew out a birthday candle, I always made the same wish. With the exception of a few critical events in my recent years, I never wished for specifics. I didn’t wish for a car or a good grade. I didn’t wish for a better relationship with a friend. I didn’t wish for an internship offer. I didn’t wish for anything tangible or material. I always just wished for one thing and one thing only. The same thing. Every single time.
I always just wished to be happy - to be genuinely happy. Even though I never thought it to be possible, I guess there was still a part of me that, despite all the low points, still had hope in the world. I guess there was a part of me that still had hope in myself.
And that’s the thing. I think all the wishing worked. It’s kind of weird because I have always had such low expectations of life but now…
I think I’m happy.
I’m thinking that it might actually be possible for things to work out sometimes. Definitely not everything and maybe not the way you imagined. But sometimes, when you least expect it, life surprises you.
You see kids, friendship is an involuntary reflex. It just kind of happens. You can’t help it.
I am lost in God, and God is found in me.
Sometimes the hardest people to love are the ones who need it the most.
